Why I have no friends

For the past few years, I have had exactly 0 local friends. It was a little annoying when, for instance, I needed to move, or when my motorcycle broke down in the middle of Sydney CBD and I had no one to call, but then I realized that I could hire a moving van for $70. $70 — a small price to pay for the luxury of missing out on countless birthday dinners, movie nights, happy hours, and other stupid frivolities. The problem with social gatherings involving more than 1 person is that you must cater to the lowest common denominator. Are you planning a social event with 3 people, but one person likes mountain biking while another likes surfing? That’s okay, going to dinner is something EVERYONE can enjoy! Oh, is one person a vegetarian? Well I guess you guys are going to Souplantation then.

In Australia, the collective scope of social activities consist of Having a Barbecue, Drinking, Watching Cricket, or Having a Barbecue While Drinking and Watching Cricket. I firmly established myself as a vegetarian teetotaler, and was promptly excluded from any gatherings whatsoever.

I was surprised to see that many people my age are similarly antisocial:

…this is because people have an internal alarm clock that goes off at big life events, like turning 30. It reminds them that time horizons are shrinking, so it is a point to pull back on exploration and concentrate on the here and now. “You tend to focus on what is most emotionally important to you,” she said, “so you’re not interested in going to that cocktail party, you’re interested in spending time with your kids.”

What is emotionally important to me here and now? My career. Apologies to my nonexistent future offspring.

Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30? — NYTimes


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