I spent 6 years gambling under the guise of a shell company called Aurora Finance. Huge financial gains result in a sense of freedom. The freedom doesn’t really come from having millions in the bank. It actually comes from the knowledge that you were able to amass those millions. You think, Damn, I’m kinda smart. I can do anything. And I’m pretty sure I’m invincible.
That’s why gamblers never quit while they’re ahead. They double down.
Aurora Finance went out of business in 2009. To lose everything is to not only suffer a loss of that sense of freedom, but also a loss of the whole imaginary world of invincibility. All those irrelevant fears resurface: What if I suddenly have a medical emergency and can’t pay for it? What if a family member needs a kidney transplant and I’m powerless to help? I’m so stupid and I suck at life. I’m going to be alone forever.
Nothing had really changed. I just came back down to reality. Bad things happen no matter how much money you have.
Money doesn’t buy freedom. Money is just a tool – a prop to make life more comfortable. The bigger the prop, the more there is to hide behind. Losing material wealth strips away all that is not you.
The loss of money buys freedom.
So I packed what was left of my crap and moved to Australia. I lived in a tent. Why the hell not?
“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” –Tyler Durden, Fight Club
Chuck Palahniuk wrote Fight Club while he was working as a freight mechanic. He was also still a closeted homosexual.